Bloom - Seasons

"There's a reason or a season for everything, you'll see." Insert the eye roll emoji here. We have all heard a variation of that phrase, and sometimes it stinks. It is when we look back that we can (hopefully) see the reasons being referenced. We long for that promotion, that relief, weight loss/gain, the spouse, that child, that healing, and the list goes on. We beg for answers and we just assume that silence means "no." Or, it could be that a "no" means we've done something wrong and are being punished. Ever stop to think it's for our own good? Often times, it really is. Ugh, I know.

Years back, in 2014, I was gearing up for full time missions. With how quickly it was moving and the guidance from my missions coach, I just knew that was going to happen. I assumed that right now, I'd be in for a life of missions. Little did I know, my heart would break when I was told that I wouldn't be going, less than a month later. If I'm transparent here, it hurt like the dickens because it was rejection. I had to grieve, silly as that may sound. I couldn't understand why God would give me a passion for people and then keep me in the U.S. 

Seasons of healing had to follow as I sincerely learned to love myself fully. What does that mean? Glad you asked. Focusing on getting healthy and walking in obedience. It's still a work in progress and I'm seeing glimpses now as to how I needed to heal. The weight loss has been solely for me, not for anyone else or ulterior motive, which hasn't always been the case in years past. God has called me to lead in various things years back but fear of failure kept me from doing just that. It's funny to see God was moving still, in the midst of my push backs, as though I had any idea of what was best for me. It's in obedience that I'm seeing Him continue to heal parts of me that I didn't realize I needed. It's comforting to know that even when I forget or ignore, He's still pressing and working. 

A few years after the heart breaking “no”, I was discussing some potentially big things with close friends. During one of our daily text threads, my friend Em said, "What if this is why God wouldn't let you leave?"  BOOM. Oh my gosh, she was right! It is evident that God is continuing to move in this area and if nothing else, showing me that a specific dream and hope isn't forgotten by Him. There are moments of fear and panic due to things in the past trying to creep back in but I'm having to choose to trust. It's easier said than done but I can whole heartedly say that God often provides the reasons for "no" when the timing is right. Life isn't perfect now and there are many areas in my life that I am still seeking direction in, but I'm grateful for answers, even if they're not the ones I want. In my profession, God has been so good to teach me about loving others where they are. I’ve had the honor to pray with people through some of life’s toughest losses and heartaches, through times of death and divorces. Then there’s been the joys of marriage and births. I never want to lose sight of the wonder within those opportunities. Nothing we go through is ever wasted. Even recently, I had the joy of using my claims knowledge to help an employee save a good bit of money. God uses us where we are, to love and serve others and to honor Him.

He brings us through those seasons of angst and pain to show us that there is a bloom coming and it's so.very.beautiful. No matter what you've been through, done or seen, He's still got you. Know that you are loved and that there's grace upon grace with each passing season. Think about it, in order for flowers to grow, there must be rain, sunshine, and even some manure on occasion. Growth is painful but the end result is something so breathtaking. May we bloom where we are planted and embrace each season along the way.