Tis The Season - Love Well

Can you believe it’s already December?! I can’t but boy what a year. So much has changed over the last 10 months but goodness I’m so thankful. That’s all another topic for another day but I want to talk about loneliness today. We weren’t created to do this life alone. In Genesis God says that it’s not good for man to be alone. That goes for the course of life. We were designed to be in community with others. No matter what your beliefs are, there’s a longing to be with others. It can be in regards to dinner parties, book clubs, concert groups, small groups, and dating. It varies by person but companionship brings comfort, peace, laughter, and quality to life.

There have been seasons in my life when I grew weary of being alone so much that I would go out to a bar or restaurant to write and just chat with others. It helped pass the time but also brought opportunities to encourage others and be encouraged myself. This is the time of year that people feel more alone because families are gathering together to celebrate. There are reminders of seasons past that are no more and promises still waiting for fulfillment. It’s hard to feel alone during any random Tuesday but during holidays it’s gut wrenching. You feel like you’re missing out on joy, traditions, hopes, and laughter. I want to be crystal clear and tell you right now that I am not about to tell you to fake it til you make it. I’m not going to tell you that your sadness is due to an absence of Jesus. Sadness is part of being human but don’t stay in that space.

I’m going to tell you that you are seen. You are loved. Your feelings matter. I’m also going to tell you that feelings aren’t fact. Thankfully sun shines and joy comes. Yes, this season of advent and waiting are a celebration of the coming Christ but know that you are allowed to have a funk. I wish I could tell you that all your dreams will come true this year or next and that your lonely feelings will be gone by taking 3 multivitamins and eating right. What I will tell you is that you were made to thrive and for a purpose. Know it’s okay to tell someone how you feel and to reach out. Even if people post on social media about all of the fun they’re having in their life it doesn’t mean they’re truly happy and not lonely. Sometimes they’re the loneliest and trying to fill voids with likes and comments.

Reach out to people in your life and love on them. We all need encouragement and to be reminded that we aren’t alone. Tis the season indeed so let’s love well.

Sparks

“Big things start from the littlest spark.” - DC. One of my big brothers said that recently after I had asked permission to gush about excitement for my girlish heart. I believe my exact response to him was, “look at you being all deep and shit.”

There is wisdom in that statement though. All it takes is a spark to start a fire and great things can happen from that. I get in my head and start to overthink things. It’s not helpful and certainly isn’t healthy. I think somehow I can control if I just know. There is no controlling how another person perceives us. They choose how they see us. Our actions and personality will contribute to that but in the end, it’s up to them to choose to spend their time with us and/or pursue us.

Israel

Ya girl is getting to go and serve in Israel! Anyone else find it ironic that God keeps sending me places I never really LONGED to go? Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to go to Israel years back to serve with Chrissie and her ministry but it didn’t pan out and I wasn’t shattered from it because I knew God had it figured out. Turns out, He had something even sweeter planned because this mission trip will include the honor of serving alongside my parents. YEP, Gran and Pop are going to Israel, too!

How can you help? First is to Pray Pray Pray! There is a team comprised people that will be going and serving over a time frame of a week and a half. While we are there we will be working with a reconciliation ministry that walks through life with Arabs and Jews. Not to mention we will get to see Jesus move in ways we never imagined possible. Now there’s the other way to help and that’s to give. I’ve been blown away by the generosity of incredible people in my life over the years from Russia to Haiti and now to Israel. If you feel led to give, you can write a check to Church On The Hill, to myself, or send it via venmo to: @jenny-godwin and the cost for each person going is $5,000.

Ultimately, I want to say thank you to each person that has prayed and given because you bring movement to the body of Christ. May you be blessed and see how much of a difference you make on eternity through your faithfulness.

Take The Leap

I’ve written about fear before so that ties in here. Fear limits us and holds us back from truly experiencing life in its fullness. Don’t get me wrong, we should prayerfully and carefully consider decisions before committing to them but we shouldn’t let fear prevent us from living. Fear of making the wrong decision sometimes prohibits us from stepping out in faith to an adventure that we were created for. If we continue to complain about circumstances in life, why don’t we try and do something about them? Look at it this way. If I’m miserable with the people I spend my time with (I’m not), I’ll find new friends. If someone hates their job, they should look for a new one and apply.

I don’t know about you but I’d rather risk the mundane or misery for something with the potential for incredible. Life is meant to be lived to the fullest. There are certainly times when we are in seasons of waiting but why not actively pursue options during that time? Think about the opportunities that pass us by if we just sit there idly. Hard pass, homie. You might be wondering, what are we supposed to do if we try and nothing happens. I don’t have a definite answer really but what I know deep within me is that we are supposed to keep moving forward. I don’t want to quit trying because I know I was made for more than what I’ve been willing to settle for in the past. I want that same hope for you, to keep moving forward and striving for the things you were made to do and be part of.

Why wallow in our misery instead of doing the dang thing and taking the leap to make things happen? Let’s go!

Bloom - Seasons

"There's a reason or a season for everything, you'll see." Insert the eye roll emoji here. We have all heard a variation of that phrase, and sometimes it stinks. It is when we look back that we can (hopefully) see the reasons being referenced. We long for that promotion, that relief, weight loss/gain, the spouse, that child, that healing, and the list goes on. We beg for answers and we just assume that silence means "no." Or, it could be that a "no" means we've done something wrong and are being punished. Ever stop to think it's for our own good? Often times, it really is. Ugh, I know.

Years back, in 2014, I was gearing up for full time missions. With how quickly it was moving and the guidance from my missions coach, I just knew that was going to happen. I assumed that right now, I'd be in for a life of missions. Little did I know, my heart would break when I was told that I wouldn't be going, less than a month later. If I'm transparent here, it hurt like the dickens because it was rejection. I had to grieve, silly as that may sound. I couldn't understand why God would give me a passion for people and then keep me in the U.S. 

Seasons of healing had to follow as I sincerely learned to love myself fully. What does that mean? Glad you asked. Focusing on getting healthy and walking in obedience. It's still a work in progress and I'm seeing glimpses now as to how I needed to heal. The weight loss has been solely for me, not for anyone else or ulterior motive, which hasn't always been the case in years past. God has called me to lead in various things years back but fear of failure kept me from doing just that. It's funny to see God was moving still, in the midst of my push backs, as though I had any idea of what was best for me. It's in obedience that I'm seeing Him continue to heal parts of me that I didn't realize I needed. It's comforting to know that even when I forget or ignore, He's still pressing and working. 

A few years after the heart breaking “no”, I was discussing some potentially big things with close friends. During one of our daily text threads, my friend Em said, "What if this is why God wouldn't let you leave?"  BOOM. Oh my gosh, she was right! It is evident that God is continuing to move in this area and if nothing else, showing me that a specific dream and hope isn't forgotten by Him. There are moments of fear and panic due to things in the past trying to creep back in but I'm having to choose to trust. It's easier said than done but I can whole heartedly say that God often provides the reasons for "no" when the timing is right. Life isn't perfect now and there are many areas in my life that I am still seeking direction in, but I'm grateful for answers, even if they're not the ones I want. In my profession, God has been so good to teach me about loving others where they are. I’ve had the honor to pray with people through some of life’s toughest losses and heartaches, through times of death and divorces. Then there’s been the joys of marriage and births. I never want to lose sight of the wonder within those opportunities. Nothing we go through is ever wasted. Even recently, I had the joy of using my claims knowledge to help an employee save a good bit of money. God uses us where we are, to love and serve others and to honor Him.

He brings us through those seasons of angst and pain to show us that there is a bloom coming and it's so.very.beautiful. No matter what you've been through, done or seen, He's still got you. Know that you are loved and that there's grace upon grace with each passing season. Think about it, in order for flowers to grow, there must be rain, sunshine, and even some manure on occasion. Growth is painful but the end result is something so breathtaking. May we bloom where we are planted and embrace each season along the way.

Waiting Doesn’t Have to Suck

The following is something I wrote a little while back (in November of 2022) when I was in a better headspace than the current season. Let the record show I’m currently tired of waiting right now and over the garbage cliches that are associated with it. Your girl needs some new in her life. Various aspects of life are requiring me to wait and I needed to be reminded of the below in the midst of weariness.

Waiting is a challenge and often associated with negative emotions and feelings. When we wait, it can feel as though it’s a punishment for something or as if it’s a place of turmoil. Think about it, when we are waiting on a test result or for a job offer (or declination). When we are waiting on a child to let us know if they’re coming to a family gathering after a tumultuous event or on the result of a pregnancy test. There are a lot of things that might feel as though it’s painfully gut wrenching.

Life is about perspective. How we choose to view things will make a difference. When we go into a day with a fresh and bright attitude, we are going to do our best to view things through rose colored glasses or a cheerful disposition. If we are grouchy as can be and enter into situations with fire on our tongues, we are going to see everything as a crime against us. You know those friends you talk to that are always griping about something? I think they enter into most of life’s scenarios thinking the world should cater to them and then it doesn’t. From that point it all hits the fan and they lose their temper at the drop of a hat.

A lot can be said in how we choose to spend the waiting time. If we allow what we are waiting for/on to define us, we won’t be truly satisfied when it happens or comes to pass. If our definition is based off of what’s to come, we won’t know what to do when it happens. During that waiting time, we GET to spend our time well. We GET to love on others. I’ve shared before about my job and not knowing what it holds regarding the grand scheme of things. In this time span, I GET to help people with their insurance questions. I GET to help with complaints and concerns. I GET to walk with people during some of their hardest seasons of life. There are opportunities in each season to love people where they are. During waiting on a lot of whatever is next, I’m learning how to love better and serve intentionally. I never want to lose the wonder in the waiting.

Joy & Peace All Year Round

Lately I’ve been thinking and we all know how dangerous that can be. There’s something special about Christmas. When it comes to Santa, we play that card with kids to try and encourage kindness and good behavior just before he visits. Yet the rest of the year we don’t even give it a second thought. With Christ, a lot of times it seems that we don’t start acting right until we are at church or a holiday is approaching. Not acting right necessarily but maybe striving to be Christ like.

There was a Christmas song I heard a few weeks prior this year that wrecked me. It’s titled, “O Come, All You Unfaithful.” It goes into the different life scenarios that I think we (all of humanity) tend to think no one else understands. From those weary from waiting, to those who are overwhelmed with shame. God’s promise is peace through Jesus, his son, who was slain so we can be pardoned from our sin. I mean, COME ON SOMEBODY and get excited with me! So this song is one I’ll be playing year round in hopes to remind myself that we are all in this together and God loves us deeply.

I want to be one who shows Jesus year round and scatters joy like confetti and sequins. Not because of Heaven being the goal for myself but because wanting others to experience the joy of Heaven and Jesus as well. Impacting the present day in eternal ways is the goal. Showing others that we aren’t in this life alone makes a difference. At times I get to talk to new employees about the Employee Assistance Program at work and I use that as a chance to tell them that life is hard. We weren’t made to walk through life alone and no one should feel as though they have to carry all of the things. That goes for everyone. Please know that I know I don’t do this well and that I mess up daily. I just want to be more intentional along the way.

So here’s the deal, you don’t have to scatter literal confetti and sequins (you can and I encourage it) but I do want to invite you to scatter kindness, peace, and joy all year long. Let’s freakin go.

Words for 2023 - Let's Go!

Surrender is a word that was given to me on the last Haiti trip in 2021. I didn’t get excited about that word because that is an act of submission and giving up of alllllll the plans and things. However, when God asks us to give something, He replaces it with something far more fulfilling and life changing. How beautiful is the thought of surrendering fully to know that every need will be met by Christ. He is for us. Sometimes it’s something physically tangible but sometimes it’s more of Him. That’s challenging sometimes because we expect certain replacements but more of Him is all satisfying and nothing can fill that void. That hope I mentioned in previous writings is one that cannot be shaken or deterred because of the faithfulness of the Father. Who am I kidding? I definitely have moments of questioning where God is in the midst of waiting. However that doesn’t change the fact that He honors promises. So why not surrender??

Joke is on me because God gave me that word for 2023 and I flat out told him I don’t want it. Anyone else not shocked at that response? I am so thankful that He can handle the spunk better than anyone. “Uhhh Lord, I would rather have a different one. A better one even. Why can’t you give me something sparkly or funny?” Apparently there’s already enough in my life that’s hilarious and sparkly. Who knew?

Waiting…it’s not wasted. I can say that with the utmost confidence. While we make mistakes or have things that happen to us, that’s okay. Those mistakes or consequences do NOT define who we are or were made to be. What matters is that we walk in obedience. Which, in turn, leads me to the second word for 2023.- Endurance - it’s not easy and it comes from persevering. Continuing to move forward is challenging but it refines us. We are made to look more like Jesus as we strive to walk towards his leading. As we work on the parts of us that look least like Christ, the broken parts get repaired and the weak muscles are strengthened. We don’t have to finish this race a specific way or looking like others. We just have to do the dang thing. While surrender and endurance are often perceived negatively, they don’t have to be that way. Both require an open handed posture of sorts. If I’m surrendering my full self to whatever it is Christ has for me, it opens up space for Him to move me where He wants me or to place something in in that spot. YES LORD!

Enduring through true surrender will lead to joy in new ways and while I’m hesitant, I’m hopeful. Cheers to 2023 and the joy to come.

Trust

Ever said something along the lines of, “I trust God with ________?” because I have. I’d be lying if I said I always mean it though. Yes, I’m a Christian and said I don’t always trust God with all of the things. I’m working on it though.

One of the times I spoke on missions and Haiti, I told those there that God is in the yes but also in the no. I’ve recently come to the realization that is the case for relocating in all of life’s aspects. Years back when I realized God had given me a heart for missions, I was ALL IN and ready to go wherever He would send me. I truly thought serving through missions was what my purpose was…but it didn’t pan out. Fast forward a few years and then there was Haiti. I view Haiti as a gift from God. Especially Piatre, Haiti. I miss it and the incredible people so much. There’s something special and sacred about that place and I truly long to return there sooner than later but I have had to accept that there might not be another opportunity on this side of eternity to return to such a sweet place.

Personally, I’ve learned that there are a lot of things I truly need to work on in my own life and heart before I am ready to “settle down” with anyone and that’s okay. Plus in the news, there have been too many stories of folks meeting on apps with the ending of murder and I’d rather not be a statistic.

Career-wise…I’ve tried to leave my company on a few occasions. The missions door was closed abruptly almost 7 years ago and while that was far more painful in regards to rejection, my sweet boss told me that where we are is my mission field as God has allowed me many opportunities to pray over people throughout various stages of their lives. From marriages to adoptions, I never want to lose the wonder that comes with that honor.

It’s comical to sit back and reflect on things because after being a bridesmaid in well over 20 weddings, I’ve now had the privilege of officiating 2. Such sweetness in both couples and unions. One was even in front of the courthouse so working where I am, it allowed me to walk over mid day to officiate and then head back to my office.

I’m learning that truly trusting God with going means trusting Him with staying and I’m finally good with that. I’m thankful for the lessons he graciously teaches in the midst of hard seasons and the fact that no waiting (or staying) is ever wasted.

Forgotten

We are surrounded by people that either are or feel forgotten. They’ve lost the love of their life after years of committed love and intentionality. People surrounded them for weeks and then lives had to continue on and those that had been pouring into them and making sure they were making it day by day had to get back into their routines of normalcy. There are people that have longed for companionship in seasons of chaos or loneliness but their friends had to get back to being there for their spouses and/or children. Friends can’t be “on loan” forever. There are commitments they have and responsibilities that require their attention and rightfully so. Why am I saying this? To remind us all that people need to be loved on even when life seems to be “normal” again. What might feel normal for us isn’t normal for the widow who is figuring out what this new way of life is supposed to be like. Check on them this next week.

I think as I’ve gotten older and the longer I’ve been single I’ve been able to see things from the perspective of a person that feels forgotten at times. No, I’m not saying that I’m a poor and pitiful woman that should be tended to. I am saying there are seasons that are painfully barren and sad because I just want to be held by a cute man that will tell me it’s going to be okay while reminding me that while I’m freaking hilarious I’m equally pretty. Anyway….I say that to try and explain why I’m telling you to love people differently.

When we see people along the way that have experienced loss (we all have at some point in time) I think it’s our job and joy to remind them that they are seen and still have purpose. The person they provided care for may have recently passed away and they’re grieving that loss while also trying to figure out what the hell they’re supposed to do now when all of their days were consumed by caring for their loved one. What about the person that was constantly on call for a job that was suddenly ended for one reason or another? As humans there is a validation that comes from being needed and wanted. What happens when that need and/or want is suddenly stopped or ripped away? I’ll give you an example. Over the years I have been the funny friend that is somewhat like a mama bear to her friends. Now that most of them are married, I have had to step back and accept the fact that being there for them wasn’t my sole purpose. My purpose is to love others well and to hopefully point them to Jesus. Was I able to encourage them along the way to keep moving forward and to pray over them during times of joy, sadness, and uncertainty? Yes and it was fanfreakintastic! But I got to walk alongside them kinda like an escort to the people that are entrusted with protecting and encouraging them to the next seasons of life. Do I miss the fun times? Of course, but I also have the exciting joy of getting to encourage and be there for other friends in seasons of life now. I know that’s nothing compared to the changes in life of grieving a spouse but I will say it has brought a perspective of making sure people know they’re seen in the midst of all seasons.

Here’s what I want to challenge you to do this week. Get the phone number or address of someone you know has experienced loss or is still waiting on a promise from The Lord to be fulfilled and send them a card, flowers, or text. Call them and pray over them or just tell them you love them and that while you may not be able to truly bring peace, comfort of understanding, they’re seen.

Just freakin love them where they are and remind them they aren’t forgotten and they aren’t alone. Remind others they aren’t forgotten. I truly believe that in the process you’ll be reminded that you aren’t either.

National Parents Day

I know my last post was in honor of my parents but this one is, too. Sunday, June 24, 2022 was apparently National Parents Day. Just realized it last night and had the opportunity this evening to share some information about good ole Randall and Gail.

They don’t like attention and definitely wouldn’t say things things about themselves but I’m also left to my own decisions so I will. They are the most patient of individuals and I’ve tested that….time and time again. I’ll never pass on a chance to give a shout out to my darling sister, shoutout Tammy, for being born first and being the one that kept me alive. Knowing both of our parents came from some difficult upbringings, it makes us respect them all the more.

Mom and dad do more than just deal with us through eyes of patience. They have truly shown us what unconditional love looks like. No matter what Tammy and I have done, they’ve never wavered in their love for us. We tested it. Believe me. Their senses of humor have also been stellar and are part of why we’re the hilarious gems that we are today. Oh and before you ask, I blame dad for my humor. Even today we fist bumped in a funeral over our humor. Dad has fixed so many things from the west and north Georgia areas from HVAC to electrical to foundational things. Mom has cooked and baked for those areas on multiple occasions. Even when I was recently sick and had to work from home, they were heading out of town so the had the house ready for me and the cat to come to Dalton for the week. Mom left food and dad even left the air conditioner lower than he would like. I could go on and on about them and their generosity mixed with compassion and faithfulness to Jesus. They hold me accountable, even when I don’t want them to. Sometimes my mouth should be filled with less cuss words…and sometimes I need to turn to Jesus instead of eating my feelings. I should workout instead of letting stress get to me. But that’s the beauty of my parents. They say hard things while still honoring my boundaries as an adult. It took us some time to get there on both sides but boy am I thankful.

All that to say, if your relationship with your parents isn’t peaceful or existent, reach out and try unless it wouldn’t be a healthy or safe decision. If you don’t have a relationship at all with them or need a hug from some, I’m totally offering mine up because they’re grand.

Happy (late) National Parents to the two I make hug SO STINKING MUCH! Love you more than words and always thankful to be a Godwin. Also, how precious are they?!

50 YEARS

50 Years.

That is half a century. Let that sink in. It’s a marker to be celebrated when you reach age alone but on an anniversary? LET’S RAGE! Sadly enough, a lot of couples don’t make it to 20, let alone 50 years anymore. I am not judging those that didn’t make it so calm down because this isn’t about you. This is about celebrating everyone’s favorites, Randall and Gail Godwin! Some know them as Gran and Pop, and two of us know them as Mom and Dad. 

Having a front row seat for the last 37 years has been rather special when I look back. I’ve heard from many people that marriage is hard and takes work. Staying in love is a choice you make daily because there are times you don’t want to deal with things that come up and at times you don’t want to be the one who is wrong. I asked my parents to give some words of wisdom for others and share those below. Before that I want to tell you about things Tammy (my sister) and I have witnessed and learned over the years in regards to marriage.

Input from Randall and Gail with some additives from yours truly.

*    Being on the same page spiritually. Having the same beliefs and core foundation. If you don’t have those in agreement, it’s going to be all the more challenging. I’m a Christian and that is something that is very important to me so I want that as a central part of a relationship. Mom said that she’s been able to see where God has been guiding her and Dad throughout their marriage even when they didn’t realize it. In addition to that, if you’re a Christian, keep your family in church. That helps keep accountability within your relationship and hopefully reminds you to keep God at the center of your marriage.

*    Let go of self. Really listen to one another and respect each other. Do not let emotions take over in the heat of the moment. If we let our emotions determine our response and reactions, we will never have successful and healthy friendships and romantic relationships.

*    Spend quality time together doing things your spouse enjoys. That compromise shows the other person you are intentional with caring about their desires. It ties in with selflessness

Tammy and I had a brief chat and here are some of the things we discussed. Kindness and humility are important. Admit when you’re wrong and take ownership for your actions and words. You don’t always have to be right and spoiler alert: you won’t always be right. Commitment is hard because you are giving of yourself fully to continue getting to know and love the other person (for the rest of your days here on Earth). Don’t stop fighting FOR one another. Keep going.

Mom and Dad, thanks for incredible examples to your children, grandchildren, and all the others who have had the pleasure of knowing you over the years. Your humbleness makes you hate being doted on but you really are worth celebrating. We admire you. We respect you. We love you. Happy 50th Anniversary!.

Timelines Are Garbage

Monday morning I found myself doubting every single thing within my current station of life. Would things be different if I were smaller? What if I had never broken up with an ex years back? Would I be happy? Goodness no. What if I had finished my degree one of those times I tried the college deal? I’ve found myself wondering what I did wrong or where I missed a step. Somehow I am behind in the timelines of life and there’s no time to catch up. Like the rabbit from Alice In Wonderland, I’m late for a very important date. But am I really? Deep down, the answer to that is no, I’m not. There are no timelines in life and where I am or what I’m doing are not designed to fulfill or define me. I know this but lose sight of it on occasion…or voluntarily forget it so I can lament or wallow for a moment. Timelines are garbage.

What is to fulfill me is Jesus. Not the marriages I’ve seen people enter into and out of flippantly or even the ones that are still going strong after 60 years. Not the kids I’ve said I don’t want to have. Not the size I want to be or think men will find most enticing or attractive.

I have had and still have freedoms others would love to live in. Life is a lot of fun and I know I’m blessed. I never want to take that or the people I am near and dear to for granted. I think just seeing more people celebrating anniversaries, marriages, births, etc. gets the best of me some mornings. I will say that on Sunday mornings when I am in the nursery, it feels a little like Heaven while rocking littles to sleep before giving them back to their parents. 

In the grand scheme of things I am so fortunate/blessed/lucky (whatever your word of choice is) to live the life I have. While my job is stressful, it’s a great one that has opened doors to friendships and opportunities to pray that I could have only dreamed of. I have busted my tail to get where I am but God has been so gracious in the process of opening doors. Over the years there have been times I resented being the funny friend but I truly love it. Sometimes I walk the line of politically correct and socially classy like a well polished lady. Other times I just dance back and forth like a child who is showing their parents all the neat things they can do in their new light up shoes….only mine are sparkly. Safe to say I try to have a great time everywhere I go and leave some sparkle while I’m at it. 

If I look at social media and start to dwell on the highlight reels of everyone out there, I start to doubt the reason for God’s purpose right now and the reason for where I am geographically. I’ve shared before about longing to be on a mission field such as Italy or Haiti but my boss has reminded me before that where God has me is my mission field. Loving on, encouraging, and praying over people that need it in Chattanooga. Funny thing is there’s a gentleman I know through work that just walked up to me at my “cheers bar” and brought up how I prayed for him when he was new and learning the ropes of his job. 

Never underestimate what God will do through the simple act of obedience. On that note, He does not NEED us to say yes but invites us to do so. It gives us the chance to be part of the goodness of His blessings, wisdom, and faithfulness. We don’t have to join in. Life goes on and I’m sure it’s fine for some people on this side of eternity. However, the joys we could miss out on are things I want to be part of! 

I mess up daily. I’m flawed and fall short on levels that are horrendous but I’m thankful that nothing we do or go through is ever wasted. 

Fun fact that I realized last night as I was driving home from a friend’s: God gives glimpses of those little things I long for and don’t share with others. I got to pitch to and play backyard baseball with their kiddos and two neighborhood kids. It brought me such joy to know God was letting me have that moment of coaching and teaching. Some of my fondest childhood memories with my parents were at the ball fields as they coached and pitched to me. 

To sum it all up, there’s beauty in the now. It won’t be easy always and might feel unending but the morning comes while joy gets renewed. There are glimmers of hope and for that I am thankful. Oh and the timelines we compare ourselves to are garbage.

xoxo.

Trajectory - Four Years

I’ve been told that when I talk about Haiti, I light up like a Christmas tree and I wouldn’t want it any other way. So enjoy today’s post as I reminisce.

Four years ago today a team of 8 women left the United States for a mission that changed the trajectory of not only the lives within the community they went to serve but also each of their own. When we arrived we met up with our team leader from the USA side as well as the one from the Haiti side. David and Ishtar are phenomenal people and provided such peace. I realized earlier today that it is the anniversary of the team’s first trip to Piatre and started to tear up because I miss the community so very much.

Thankfully that was the first of 3 trips to Piatre. God was moving there way before we arrived and still is to this day. Women and girls got to learn about their cycles and feminine hygiene and also how to make reusable pads to sell for a consistent income. Little did we know that sewing and making those pads would lead to opening a sewing school and help in breaking cycles of dependency. I’m still amazed at the humbleness and faithfulness of each person there. I see the faces of the Leadership Council and those sweet kids when I pray for them.

You see, missions wasn’t on my radar back in 2012 or even the first half of 2013 probably. It wasn’t until I went to Costa Rica (2013) and then Russia (2014 for missions that I realized that was part of God’s purpose in my life. This was one of the trajectory shifts I certainly didn’t anticipate. I’m a woman that enjoys air conditioning, indoors, makeup, and a good vodka soda.. It seemed like missions was something for other people to do. In December 2014 my heart was broken when the door to full time missions got shut unexpectedly. I thought, “okay - fine. I’ll just be a professional (I know, it makes me laugh, too) and keep moving forward. In April of 2018 I was asked to join the team going to Haiti 8 days before they left. Not even remotely realizing my heart would be captivated by a small community called Piatre, Haiti as well as a little boy named Besneau who is now 14. All of these trajectory changes have taught me a great deal. While waiting for what is next can be painful, annoying, or even heart breaking, I’ve learned that being open to what God has is worth it. That trip was one that shifted the course of my life and how I view a lot of things these days. I didn’t want to leave and our leader, Misty, had to make sure each time that I made it to the plane because I might have tried or threatened to stay.

I left part of my heart in Haiti that first trip as well as the others that followed but the funny thing is, I don’t want it back.

What an incredible adventure that God continues to amaze me with. It’s not done and neither is He. Til we meet again sweet Piatre.

Chosen

It’s no secret that I’ve struggled with singleness over the years. If I allowed it to be an embarrassment, I’d walk around with my head hung in shame but I’m thankful for singleness in a lot of ways. Last weekend I had an epiphany of sorts and it was rather overdue but it finally happened nonetheless.

In the 80’s, when children were put up for adoption, most information surrounding reasons and health history weren’t required. As a child, I looked at being adopted as being unwanted. Couldn’t remotely tell you why because I grew up in the best family and am so thankful I never have to wonder what life would be like outside of being a Godwin. My word I love them and can’t adequately express the depths of gratitude for never giving up on me, even when I wanted (or tried) to give up on myself.

Looking back, I think the feelings of fear regarding being unwanted stemmed from lies I chose to believe. My family assured me that I was chosen. Even in scripture it’s stated that we are chosen by our Creator. 1 Peter 2:9 says, “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”

I’ve never been the woman guys fawn over and at times that has been incredibly discouraging because I’d like to be someone’s first choice, not their convenience or the funny friend. The epiphany I had last weekend was the fact that I’m already chosen. Christ chooses me. My family chooses me. My friends choose me. To top it all off, I have the joy of talking to and loving on strangers anywhere I go. From local restaurants, to Russia, to Haiti, and a random lunch in Dahlonega.

To end this piece, just know you’re seen where you are. You’re chosen, even when you don’t feel like it. Here’s to April and the beauty of being chosen!

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Dear Justice System

Please note: This is a letter that is NOT directed at any one person or field within the law. It’s just the cry of my heart after seeing a crap show of events that have continued after multiple attempts to see redemption and justice for my aunt and parents.

Dear Justice System,

There are many moving parts to you and I’m thankful that you’re there but over the last year I’ve wondered where you really are. I need you to get yourself together. For the last 8 months I have seen my parents selflessly take care of my aunt because her son was stealing from her and taking advantage of the fact that she has Alzheimer’s. Her husband passed away in 2014 but he left her set up to be taken care of for the remainder of her life. My family has since learned that her son had her sign a Power Of Attorney not long after she failed a memory test and from then on, he has run the show and used her money for drugs, booze, and who knows what else. He continuously stole money from her and didn’t pay her bills, taxes, or other insurance fees. Since bringing her to Georgia, they have learned that her son has built up hundreds of thousand dollars of debt in her name. Had my parents not brought my aunt home in July of 2020, I am certain she would be dead by now due to malnutrition or violence. Where were you?

Her son was arrested in June for assaulting his girlfriend. He violated the order of protection put into place MULTIPLE times since that initial arrest. He was also charged with possession and in December of 2020, a plea deal was done for deferred sentencing as long as he minded his manners for 18 months. He and his girlfriend have lost temporary custody of their shared child because of an incident on September 11, 2020 involving drugs and because that was one of the times they both willingly violated the order of protection, resulting in their son being injured. Then in January of 2021, he strangled his girlfriend and was caught with another possession charge. Where were you?

During this process I have called clerk officials to get case updates regularly, called the probation office to confirm information, and checked in with multiple people because no one else was doing it. When I called the probation office after his sentencing, I found out he hadn’t even been assigned to a probation officer so they had that done. From there, he missed his first two appointments with his PO. He wasn’t even on probation for 2 months before he was arrested again for domestic assault - strangulation and possession of hard drugs. Where were you when all of this was happening? Every time I’ve asked that question, another department or organization has placed blame on it not being their problem or jurisdiction. Our family has banded together through this to try and lean on each other as caring for an Alzheimer’s patient is not an easy task. I am thankful that it’s been possible to protect her but it breaks my heart for those whose families aren’t around or don’t protect them. Where are you for those people?

My aunt is terrified of her son. Just this week she was served with court documents regarding the case for guardianship that my parents are still striving to get. She panicked because she was afraid her son sent them here to get her. She doesn’t want to see him again and that’s clear, even when her sense of time is no longer there. Due to her memory issues, she often panics out of concern and fear of why that officer was here. You have continued to let him out of jail until this last month. My concern is that he won’t stay there and that he and/or his girlfriend will get custody of their child back.

My aunt’s step children have gone to her home and taken pictures. There are drawers filled with used needles, tinfoil, and one even has a spoon that looks like it was heated and used for melting a substance to shoot up. Why didn’t you ever search that home? Those needles didn’t just appear there. It’s ongoing usage that I’m sure has taken place around the child. Where were you?

My parents have been troopers and have been striving to take care of her the best they can and are preparing to go to court again for guardianship. I hope you follow through with your promises this go round because seeing them have tolls taken on the time that is supposed to be their golden years breaks my heart. They’ve worked so hard to be where they are and they don’t ask for much. Yet I’m asking you to just do your damn job. Where are you?

Open Letter To High School Seniors

Dearest Seniors,

My heart physically aches for you. So much of what is typically a big year has been taken from you and quite frankly, that’s not fair and flat out sucks. I want you to know that it’s okay to be sad and to grieve right now. I think as a society, we are all too often told we don’t have a right to be upset because other people have it worse in the world. While we know not to dwell on the negative, I think you should be free to grieve and cry as you process the what ifs and things that were not. If anyone tries to tell you not to be sad, please send them my way and I will gladly correct them.

Being an aunt to a senior, I’ve seen a lot of local seniors grow up and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t shed tears over the course of all this because I see you as my own nieces and nephews. I recently saw an article or writing on how the Class of 2020 is super resilient because most of you were born in the year of 2001/2002. You were born into a chaotic world around the 9/11 era and heartbreak. The world changed that year and you know what? The world has changed this year. You all are destined to be world changers and while that doesn’t soften the blow here, I hope you know you’re strong. Lisa Bevere says, “You can’t be a hero without a battle.” My prayer for you is that you get your “5 more minutes” sooner than later to celebrate one another and process this all.

You will be celebrated and you will be honored. Hold on tight and keep moving forward.

All my love,

Aunt Jen

S E N D

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear or see “send” somewhere? I think of sending a letter or a card. I also thinking of sending (or hopefully receiving) flowers. Another thing that resonates deep withing me when I see or hear that word is missions. There are so many moving parts to missions that it’s easy to lose sight of each part.

From the outside it looks like it’s just a person or people that go and serve or preach in another place. It can be near or far and be done in an unlimited number of ways. But there’s more to missions. There’s prayer…or should be prayer. These things don’t just happen. They are bathed in prayer covering things like who goes, what they do, who they meet, and the impact and ripples that follow. Safety, weather, relationships, and more are impacted by prayer. Don’t ever take that lightly when you tell someone you’re going to pray over them and their team. You’re taking on battle for them and for Christ! There’s funding, which is a lot of people’s least favorite part because it means asking or being asked for money. What’s amazing about this is that God provides. We doubt Him but He still provides. From my personal experience, the first time I went to Haiti, God provided nearly $2,000 in LESS THAN 24 hours! And as someone who has given to missions before, I can say with certainty that giving brings a blessing to the one who gives as well as those they are giving to. There’s listening to your friends and family who are transitioning back to life. That’s a big deal because when your heart longs desperately to be somewhere else and loving on people and have to come back to a predominately entitled society, it’s painful and frustrating.

I’m saying the above to ask you to pray about being a part of the sending team for my sister and niece (Tammy & Ella) as well as the team they’re going to Guatemala with over Spring Break. Also, a new friend that I’ve grown to adore, Rachel Boyd is on that team! The school, Christian Heritage School, is partnering with The 410 Bridge to go and serve in a community while aiming to break the cycle of dependency. I’ve gone on 2, soon to be 3, trips with The 410 Bridge and can speak to their ministry and mission they work towards to work themselves out of a job.

There’s a substantial amount of money to be raised here and I’m pumped to see God make it happen. Would you pray about helping them get there? There are several ways to help. First, pray - duh. :) Second, financial donations are accepted because while they’re cute, that doesn’t get plane tickets and lodging apparently. If you click on the link: Get Tammy & Ella to Guatemala…and back, then you’ll be taken to the site where you can click the drop down and choose one of their names to contribute.

Other ways are joining us for a Taco Night on January 28, 2020 at CHS Main Campus from 5:00-7:00. Tickets are $10 each and the funds go towards the trip. Last but not least, there are Cards For A Cause. You can order greeting card boxes to SEND to other people (see what I did there) throughout the year and to help SEND the team.

Sharing the Gospel is done through relationships and with The 410 Bridge, they build relationships through education, water, economics, heath, and discipleship. Come and be a part of what is happening all over the world and help us SEND this team.

xoxo

Comparisons - REMIX

Did you read REMIX in the voice of DJ Kahlid? I did as I was typing it. Years back I wrote on the power of comparisons and how they come from the pit of Hell. You know, like fever blisters! Recently, someone asked for a link to the original post and that site isn’t really used anymore so I decided to pull it and revamp it or do a REMIX.

Our society has done such a disservice to young men and women with placing such extreme expectations on them by comparing them to others and also pushing them to compare themselves. Now they have the pressures of social media they’re dealing with, too. I’m glad the whole iPhone thing wasn’t around when I was a teenager. That age group is never on a break from their life and having to be on point.

Everywhere we turn we have comparison thrown in our face.  As women, there are models, celebrities, friends, co workers and even complete strangers that we ashamedly compare ourselves to.  We fear that we aren't enough if we don't look, talk, laugh, sing or love like "her."  You may think it is foolish but it happens. When the emotions that follow and comparisons hit, it eventually convicts me because it turns my completion and definition to something other than Christ.

I'm not a petite, soft spoken, gentle woman.  I'm a tall, bold, sassy woman who loves to make people laugh.  I'm competitive, and can usually be located in a room by my loud laugh or animated motions. Normally my sarcasm fits with fellas better but I consider myself blessed to have multiple girl friends who share my twisted sense of humor and an appreciation of a good margarita.  I have a promiscuous and lazy past that has been used to shape me but it no longer defines me.  I love my God and am thankful (most days) that this is who he created me to be.  

If I'm a believer, why did I just say most days?  Because I'm being honest.  There have been days when I wanted to have a different physical build, a more quiet spirit and a gentle tongue so guys could look at me and go, "wow, there is a sweet girl."   But hey, too much sugar causes cavities.  Don't get me wrong, I have a sweet side but it's not my only one and I'm good with that.

Most of the time, the downers we experience from comparisons are due to our own imaginations running wild on us.  Thinking we will never be enough for various reasons....believing lies.

Months back I started working out with a trainer and i LOVE my gym. There’s a community of fun people that are working towards better and stronger health but also unexpected friendships have been forming. I’m probably one of the biggest women that workout there but I choose to remind myself that where I am now isn’t where I will always be. It’s not about looking like someone else or being stronger than they are. It’s about feeling better than I ever have and becoming healthier than I thought possible. Making the most of the life God has given me and preparing for this next steps in this journey are the goal in this season.

Comparisons are dangerous.  We look for some sort of validation in them because we think that we are better or worse than the person or thing we're comparing ourselves to.  We allow those things to rob us of our joy while preventing ourselves from moving forward to glorify God with our lives.  John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  Our insecurities then lead us to stop trusting those we love most or people in general. I don’t like that feeling. It’s a heart issue that’s usually found by idolizing a person or a feeling and the fear of losing them starts to cripple us. I don’t want to live a life held back. I’d rather live a life fully surrendered to God.

In case you don't remember anything that you've read so far, remember this.  Christ died for you and every wretched thing you've ever done and will do.  His love is incredible and His forgiveness brings freedom like you've never imagined.  So instead of comparing yourselves to others and what they expect, look to the gospel to see what we're to reflect.  He is enough and that makes you enough.

New Year. New Decade. New Vision.

There are tons of goal setting posts out there right now and I love that! We are all about “new” in our society and I find it intriguing. Lamentations 3:22-23 says, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

What’s so interesting to me is that we always love starting over in some ways. Fresh starts mean that it’s a clean slate. The past is where it belongs, in the past. For most of my life I’ve found myself with the masses and trying to start over on “Monday” or with the New Year. What that brings me is just another excuse to wait. And if you know me at all, you know I’m not really a fan of waiting in the least. BUT, something I’ve found with Jesus, getting healthy, and life in general, is that you don’t have to wait until Monday or the New Year to start with new mercies, joy, forgiveness, a career search, better eating, or coffee for that matter! I mean, even some afternoons call for coffee.

Are there seasons we have to wait for things? Duh…but when it comes to new beginnings, we don’t have a timeline of things we are supposed to follow for that. So this new year will be one of FREEDOM! Freedom from timelines, expectations of others in regards to how I live my life, and the freedom from people pleasing. Freedom from the bondage of laziness and food. Freedom from fear of failure and fear in general. In transparency, one of my hopes is freedom from the January depression funk that usually hits me hard. Thankfully there’s grace, counseling, Jesus and Prozac for the time in between.

So whatever your goals are for the (insert time frame here) , know that you can start on Friday even. It’s never to late to keep moving forward and embracing the new mercies God has for you.